Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found a bag of teeth...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
