i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
