glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
