He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
