I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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