theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
