i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
