We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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