I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
