Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
