Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
