my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
