3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
