Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
