I cannot find my penis.
i barfeds in our rink
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
