Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
