I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
