these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
