Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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