I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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