Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Randomize
