So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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