Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
