I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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