he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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