I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
