The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
