Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
