Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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