By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
