I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
