Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
