Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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