Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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