I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
