you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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