Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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