Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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