Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
