I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
