dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
