if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
