Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Found your dick twin last night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
