Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
