Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
