i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
