im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
