That's intense
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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