he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
