singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
